The night wasn’t simple at all for Kheltaz. Especially to fall asleep was hard for him, because of the suppressed sounds of his crying mother and whenever he closed his eyes he saw the face and gaze of his little brother Koron again. The scene of his death didn’t want to leave his mind anymore. Those pictures even haunted him in his dreams after his body couldn’t stay awake any longer.
Also the next days weren’t any easier at all! Everything reminded him and his mother for Koron and all the time he had to be the strong one, to give his mother some hold in those tough times. But deep in his mind he just had one dominating wish. The feeling of pure hate and the wish of revenge. Revenge for the unfair and useless death of his beloved little brother!

The world around him turned back to normal again. Of course the people talked about the execution for some days, but as the summer slowly left the lands the memories of the folks also seemed to fade. But even after 2 months there was no day without the painful memories for Kheltaz and his mother.

Day after day he went to the small forest close by his house to collect firewood for the fireplace. But he never left the forest without visiting a small clearing where the sun floods the area with bright and warm light while the floor is decorated with small flowers of all possible colours and forms. Of course his gaze always stops at the beautiful but small bloom of the damascene black cumin, a flower with bright blue blossom and Koron’s absolute favourite flower. Whenever both were playing as kids in the forests, Koron always wanted to gather some of those flowers to take them home.

Again it was one of those days when Kheltaz stands at the clearing and looks at the cumin flowers. The memories were of course back as well, but there was something different than usual. Kheltaz had no fears, no worries and no doubts at that time. He made his decision! The involved people of Koron’s death will pay for it….They’ll pay with their own blood!

“…what’s going on Kheltaz?! Why does it feel as if it’s a goodbye forever when you just hug me before you are going to the market?!” Kheltaz’ mother looks at her oldest and only son with fear and pain in her eyes. She feels that something will happen and clenches her fingers at Kheltaz’ sleeves of his dark shirt to hold him from leaving.
“I love you, mother. Don’t worry about me” He smiles and caresses the face of his mother with his right hand dearly. “I will be back soon…. Don’t worry!” With those words he leaves the house and goes to a quite old looking tree which one is hollowed by the years. In there he hid a long dagger which one could be almost a sword, gloves and a cape like adventurers but also suspicious people would wear. After he put on the clothes, he hides the long dagger under the cape and takes one of the cumin flowers he gathered before in the forest. Kheltaz looks at the bright blue flower once more and then moves towards the city and his target.
A torturer who is well known and hated by the folks for his cruel methods to get confessions even from innocent people. Kheltaz used some of his connections to special friends who could get the information he needed. By that he knew already that today would be the day of his revenge and also where he could find his target who didn’t stop to torture his little brother before he had his confessions which weren’t true…except that he tried to steal.

His steps leads him towards the south of the city where the harbour is located. Close by were the docks where normal people used to fish as hobby. Kheltaz looks for the docks and luckily his target was all alone there. That was the chance he prayed for!
The torturer was just fishing there, thinking about how nice life is to him when he feels the cold steel of Kheltaz’ dagger at his throat. His eyes are widening, but he doesn’t dare to turn his head around to look at his attackers face.
“Do you remember Koron?! A young boy who did nothing wrong except
trying to survive somehow while he had nothing to eat! Do you remember him?! The one you tortured without any mercy?!” Kheltaz’ voice is low but extremely cold and full of hate for the person he’s threatening right now. The torturer slowly nods. In his eyes is pure fear and it looks like he knows what is going happen soon. “Good! He was one of a hundreds… or thousands you condemned to death even when they were innocent. That has an end now! This is for Koron!” Not even another second passes by and the torturer isn’t able to scream for help at all, because Kheltaz pulls his dagger to the right and slits the torturer’s throat so that he could just fall down on his knees stertorously. After a view seconds the spectacle is over and the torturer’s corpse lays in a puddle of blood.

Kheltaz looks at the corpse for some seconds more after he put away the dagger into his special cape and then places the blue cumin flower on the back of the lifeless corpse before he runs away. The escape was easier than he thought. Quickened by the satisfaction of the torturer’s death he runs in an enormous speed. He leaves the docks without that anybody recognizes him, then the city and finally returns to the old tree. His hiding place for the weapon and his dark clothes, but also the place where he stored some food to bring it to his mother when he returns as if he visited the market.

The night is the first night since weeks that he sleeps again. His mind is calm enough again to not keep him awake all night long. But deep inside himself he feels that this was just the beginning! But is he doing the right thing?

„Boooooo!!!“
“Hang him!!!!”
“Let him go to hell!!!”
“Kill that little bastard!!!”

The name-calling of the mob became worse with every step the prisoner did through the rows of the mob. Heavy shackles at the feet and hands, pushed forward by the guards and bombarded with old vegetables and garbage like a dangerous criminal who was finally caught. But that prisoner wasn’t a cruel looking person as someone would expect, but a boy of not even 16 years.

For him this way seemed to never end and the shame he earned from the mob was more than he could handle. Almost wishful he longed to reach the grandstand where the ominous looking wooden frame with a cord stands. Beside the cord stands a tall man, dressed in dark clothes, a black hood covers his face so that the young boy can’t see his face.

Precariously he steps onto a small stool, always attacked and insulted by the mob which just seemed to unload their entire hate against him. The executioner puts the snare around the throat of the boy and checks if everything is ready.

A second man comes to the scene, dressed in brighter and noble clothes. The judge! With loud and ritualistic voice he reads a letter.
“We, the inhabitants of this city declare you, Koron, as guilty in all points of the accusal! Your crimes were the crimes against the Earl of this county and by this also against the inhabitants themselves! You stole the property of the Earl himself and killed a Guard while you fled! For this crime you’re fated to die by hanging! Any last words?!” The judge looks at Koron with a cold and almost arrogant gaze.

Koron himself looks into the mob of people and opens his mouth to say something. Finally the mob seems to become quiet to listen what he has to say.
With a gentle and trembling voice he tries to defend himself for the last time even though he knows that it won’t change anything anymore and no important person, who could stop the execution, would really listen to him.
“I didn’t want that guard to die. It was an accident and… and I really feel sorry for his family and beloved ones who feel the loss every day.” For a moment he stops, but then continues speaking with a little stronger voice while he looks over the mob again. “I know that stealing is something bad! But what else should I do?! I am like most of you are… I don’t know how to survive the next day. I have no rich family which has enough money for food everyday…. And somehow I had to survive… didn’t I?”
At the last words he just looks down, knowing that most of the people in the mob are in the same situation as him. Too poor to be able to survive without alms of the rich people or doing illegal actions.

The judge nods at the executioner, who takes a little bag to put it over Koron’s head, but Koron just shakes his head. “Would you let me enjoy the last seconds of sunshine and of the view at this city… my home…?“ Koron asks the executioner without any grudge or fear in his voice. The executioner looks at the judge that just nods sniffy.
“Now do your duty!” shouts the judge who is obviously annoyed as if he has something better to do after this and just wants to end it finally.
Koron looks at a young man in the crowd and smiles gently. His eyes are calm and speak out what he isn’t able to tell the young man he looks at now personally. “…Don’t worry about me…” He closes his eyes, but his gentle and peaceful smile stays on his lips.

A murmuring amongst the crowd appears when the executioner pushes the small stool under Koron’s feet away. Koron’s legs twitches helplessly while he fights for the last breath until his life spirit leaves his body and nothing moves any longer.
The crowd stares at Koron’s lifeless corpse for a while and startle badly when the judge shouts “May this be a warning to everyone who dares to try to steal the Earl’s property! You would end up the same!!!” With those words he leaves the scene to finally go back to his normal bright life as one of the rich nobles of the city.

Slowly everyone leaves the market and goes back to their own business after the executioner took down the corpse and brought it away. Everyone except the young man, who still stands there and stares at the grandstand where a few minutes ago a life ended. His hands are shaking which are holding a scarf. He carefully squeezes the soft yellow scarf in his hand and tears are rolling down his cheeks while he looks at the scarf. A whisper towards nobody in person is the only sound from the young man…. “I’m so sorry, Koron… I’ll let them pay… I promise you, lil bro….”

Be aware that this is a PURE COMPLAINTS POST!!! So if you don’t want to destroy your mood, then DON’T read it. Last chance to stop! Don’t say later that I didn’t warn you!!!

Phase 1: Pointing the problem

When I wrote stories 2-3 years ago my english wasn’t the best. To tell you the truth… it sucked badly! (I admit that its not perfect yet) But I was able to write stories which weren’t that bad. Actually I am quite impressed when I read them now. I always think like “Wow! Did you write that?!” And I don’t think it because of the bad grammar or so, but because I really like them. They were deep, touching, full of great emotions and not boring!
When I write a story now, I often stop after the second chapter because it even bores ME!!! The actual author!!!! I mean…c’mon! When even I am bored by my own stories… oh gosh! How bad are my writing skills already?! Did I really forget how to write in a good way?
I don’t know it exactly, but it seems like the answer is “yes”.
Of course, the courtesy demands you to say “no” or “Naw! You are not that bad” etc etc now. I know it. That’s simple diplomacy and manners between people who know each other and of course between friends. The simple 1×1 of social interaction and that is alright. But we know the truth!

Phase 2: Problem solving

How to solve this problem?
Well. There we come to a point which seems to be quite simple at the beginning. But it isn’t! And you’ll see why in a moment.

Basicly the solution would be to write more. To practise writing by doing it more often.
Until here it’s still simple. But now comes the crux of the matter!

Phase 3: The crux of the matter

I could write stories about my characters without a problem. I could write pages and more pages without a problem I think. But who wants to read it?
My characters aren’t as well known and popular as a Luke or a Nagisa. Also they are not as much liked as other characters. So why should I write about them if nobody really would want to read about them, because they are almost unknown and not as popular / liked as the others? For myself? Then I could also keep the stories in my mind.
For my “training”? Everyone knows how frustrating it is when nobody reads your stuff.

There we come to the next problem. People reading the stuff I write.
If I would update my blog like most of you do, I’d have no problem with it. Because those blogs are frequently visited by others of SP. But I don’t update it like you guys do. I don’t like to write chit chat stuff or crack, because I can’t write crack where others are confused after the 5th line. Also RL related stuff doesn’t take a great interest of the people.

Posting pictures would be another solution to catch the attention of you guys. But which pictures should I post? Funny cute puppy pictures or bizarre pictures of even more bizarre people? No! I don’t like such pictures so much. Watching once or twice okay. But posting them? No way!
My problem is that I have almost no time with you guys in RO. So where should I get funny RO-related pictures from? The last picture I posted was a despaired try to keep my blog updated. And when I say “despaired” then I mean it! And with which result? 1 reply. Wow! Amazing! But okay! One is better than none. You all know that phrase. I should be happy about that one reply!
In other words… there isn’t much I could write about to keep my blog updated to make it interesting enough so that you would read the stories I write.

Phase 4: The result

No blog-updates = no visitors
No visitors = no one who reads what I write
No reader = frustrations when I write something
Frustration = I don’t want to write anymore, even I would love to be able to write like before again

The worst is that even if I would be able to catch the attention of you guys for some days, I would lose it within no time again, because I don’t update my blog out of a lack of ideas what I could post.

That’s why I wrote that writing stories leads to frustrations.

P.S.: Yes, even I can be emo from time to time! Sorry for destroying your picture you had of me.

In the end I arrived my save home and it was like almost midnight already. But there was no choice! I wanted to visit Zee-chan and so I left my home again, I took all my armor, put it into my car and started to drive to her. Its just 2 hours by car from my home… so its quite okay~!
Luckily she and her sister stayed awake all the time to wait for me to arrive. Too sweet of them! Thanks once more you two! I really appriciated it~!
Unfortunately I had to stop after around a hour to have a break of 30 mins to drink a tripple mocca to stay awake, because I almost fell asleep on the highway. Bad side-effect: When I arrived I’ve been like a colibri on ecstasy! Oh my my…. Zee-chan was so tired and I couldn’t stop teeming around like Leon when he is sugar high. Sorry Zee-chan!

At the next day we went to a medieval festival as planned. When we arrived there, Zee-chan wore her beautiful green white dress and I wore my armor (gambeson and chain mail), it started thundering far away. The clouds, black heavy and full of rain were also still far away and luckily not moving too fast. So we were able to enjoy the festival and I even got used to the heat in the armor and the merciless sun. It was really hot and the air-pressure was high because of the thunderstorm close by. In other words: it was muggy like no tomorrow!
But the market / festival was so special and I would even call it cute! Small, not too crowded and not too “professional” so that you couldn’t pay for anything there anymore. The prices were surprisingly low and even the entrance fee was 0 Euro! Thats very rare in germany that you don’t have to pay for such events. Usually you pay like 10 Euro for the entrance alone! Insane, ne? x_x
I even found some cool additional gimmicks for my armor. A belt, old looking and very unique, for just 3 Euro (usually they are between 20-30 Euro) and we met an older woman who was very nice and amusing because she immediately talked like a RPer in the old fashion language. She and her friends are in kinda club and they sew medival and fantasy old clothes. I found something cool and quite cheap, but the color was too dark for my taste and so I asked her if they would also do remittance work. She luckily approved it and so I will get a very cool and unique looking upper part to wear above my chain mail in beige. I think I will post some pictures of me in complete armor when I got the part. I can barely wait to see and wear it! ^_^
Right when we decided to go home and sat down in the car, the rain and with that also the thunderstorm started. Right in the same second when we closed the doors! What a great timing, ne? XD

At home we sat down and talked… you know chit-chat about everything and nothing. But then we came to a topic and we finally realized what others seemed to know about the two of us for a long time already. The deeper we got into the conversation, the more nervous I became… I was even too shy to look at her while the conversation properly, because I was so afraid of this moment. Silly me, ne? *shakes head* But I knew that this moment, this conversation would cause a change which would be irreversible.. no matter how this change would look like. Good or bad.
We talked but then we had to stop and we started to study together for a bit. Oh well… the hours were like minutes to me and then came the goodbye. This goodbye was worse than any other ever before. But the hug, while we stood in front of my car, was incredible good, warm and… *sighs* why did it have to stop? I could have stayed like this for hours. It felt so peaceful and I had the feeling like the time would stand still, same like my heart and my breath for a little while.

I am really looking forward to go back to Siegen in 3 weeks. Back to her. *smiles*

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The negative attributes of the 1 Expression are egotism and a self-centered approach to life. This is an aggressive number and if it is over-emphasized it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6

A Soul Urge number of 6 means:
With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.

The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.

If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

Alex himself sits in his office which one is as “sympathetic” as every other cold looking standard office. He leans back on his chair while staring at a file on his desk.

Red letters “Confidential” are decorating the plain light brown paper-cover of the file.

The minutes pass by while there is no sound or movement in the office. Alex stares all the time at the file he got from his commander. It was his new mission.

It is quite normal that as soon as he finished one mission, the next mission would await him already. And that was exactly what he was looking for all the last few days. A new mission! Another target! Far…FAR away from that bard and this “preadolescent” joke of a wannabe Crusader!!!

“Gosh! Why does this bother me so much anyway?! It’s just a kid! One of a thousands…. if not millions!” Alex sighs and leans back a little more on his chair and almost lies on it. His arms rest crossed in front of his chest and stomach. His thoughts are drifting off and the silence in his office comes back again.

“How did it all start? …. hm… right! I met him while he was talking to my target, this bard. I was supposed to escort the bard from Aldebaran to Prontera.” Alex smirks amused” ….He really doesn’t look or act like one of those snobby nobles or royals. He looks like a normal bard… oh well! Who cares who he really is. Not that it would be of any interest to me!” He shrugs and continues thinking about everything that happened.

“This boy was there too. No idea why, but somehow Sir Rionell agreed to the request of that boy to join us on the way back to Prontera. This boy is so damn far away from living in the reality! Oh hell!!! His world just contains out of white and black. This is as far away from reality as a Frilldora from being a Falcon!

This boy has a good strong will… that’s not the matter. But he finally needs to open his eyes and mind for the real life! I tried to explain and prove him on our trip that there is also grey between white and black. That not everything “good” is actually really good and that also “bad” doesn’t always have to be bad. And what did this stubborn boy?! He even refused listening to me and ignored the truth. With that attitude he will have to go the tough way to learn it or he’ll die. …..That would be a pity and waste, because he has quite some potential!…. I still don’t like him….”

Alex takes a deep breath and grabs the file to open it and to a look at the mission papers, which are completed by a picture of Rionell, the bard who has been his former target as well. He looks at the picture for a while and shakes head. Then closes the file and gets up to grab his bow and equipment. “Alright! Let’s play bodyguard for Sir Rionell…. and babysitter for the boy” He sighs and leaves his office to find Rionell in the castle of Prontera.

….even more work….

….12h shifts are tiring….

But I still can smile and I have some nice moments to dream at work. And still I am awaiting weekend with wide opened arms. I hope it will be friday night soon!

Maybe I should start writing at work…. Not for people to nag about the nonsense I write, not for others to praise what I write, but just all alone for myself. Just to write… and maybe to read it later. Way later!

But first comes work… then the rest.

It was great! Even if we had some not so nice “interruptions” of my plans, but it was still amazing! I know I know! Plans are made to be destroyed. I am aware of that. But I didn’t think that our plans to celebrate the new year eve in Amsterdam would be destroyed in such a cruel way. We wanted to go and what did we have to realize? Its as foggy as I never saw it before! I thought “okay, we could still try to drive to Amsterdam. Maybe its not that bad on the highway.” But I was wrong!!!!!

It was that bad that we could barely see anything in front of us…. not to talk about the signs and traffic lights which were “greatly” visible in the moment when you drove past them.

So we just went to the next bigger city called Enschede (at least way bigger than the lil village where I am living now). We had quite some fun there, walked around, saw cool shops, nice monastery like buildings, joked around about how we imagine our RP buildings like the castle of Sir Robin and then we even met some weirdos who wanted to “invite” us to eat somewhere and smoke some weed with them (….yes weed! remember, I am living close to the Netherlands!). I talked to them and somehow managed to let them be “uninterested” in us, so that we could leave them alone.

At the time when our hair started to freeze because of the fog and the -2°C, we decided to go back home. We prepared some food and Zee-chan learnt a new receipe how to prepare some meat with cayenne pepper and honey. I prefer it with chicken meat and I forgot to take it off the heat, but she still seemed to like it. (lucky me~ XD )

After that we tried to celebrate midnight with all the firework in a lil bigger town, but through the fog I lost the right direction and we could barely see any great firework. But we found a group of people who made their own lil lightning show and enjoyed it. We went home at 00:45, but went to bed at 02:30 am, because Zee-chan was too tired. I was fine with it. If she needs sleep, then she should get it. ^^

The next day we talked and talked and talked and…. did I mention already that we talked? I never talked that much before I think…. or barely. We talked a lot about our RP, our charas and about new evil ideas. *smirks evilly* But it was so much fun! And we prepared and enjoyed some Spaghetti á la Robi.

I was quite sad when I realized that the time goes by like nothing else and she had to leave already. That were 2 great days and I hope she had as much fun as I had. Hopefully my car is fixed soon so that I could visit her asap!

-Robin

P.S.: Maybe we can manage to go to Amsterdam or Berlin next year! There is always a next time~! ^_^ v

The rest comes later~! Lets see what the new year will bring. But the New Year Eve will be great… for sure! And do you know why? Because there will be a nice visitor~!